This is a late night post….which isn’t typical for me, especially since I usually post while nannying or in the morning. But here I am. Sitting up in bed, trying to calm my mind by listening to Balmorhea. Since I’m studying natural health and my family are strong believers in natural health, I already took a natural, calming herbal remedy. But…still…here I am. Still exhausted, but very much awake. This has been a typical night for me for the past week. I lay in bed, eyes closed, for at least 2 hours….thinking. Always thinking. It’s like, no matter what I do, my mind goes back to the same things, same fears, same anxieties.
As I’ve been laying here, I realized, I’m just stressing over basically nothing. Well, nothing in the span of eternity. It’s something for me lol.
There’s a pretty strong possibility that I’ve found a place to move to (I still live with my parents). That’s a huge step to me. A step forward towards greater independence and growing up. It’s exciting! But so beyond stressful.
I lay in bed, tossing and turning, while ideas and thoughts and concerns wage war in my mind. Who knew there was so much to consider and think about when one moves out! ;P If only I had a ‘mental activity’ off switch!
Why do we stress so much? I see people everywhere who stress and panic over….well…..dumb reasons. Stress is a lack of trust. It’s a lack of trusting that your worries and fears are important to the Lord, and that He can handle them much better than anyone. Even yourself. At least this is the reason for me.
I will admit, I can be a bit controlling at times (something the Lord has been breaking me of haha). I know what I want most of the time and how I want it done. So to give what I want over to someone else, even when that someone is God, feels like death sometimes. My hands are tightly clenched over the ‘treasure’ and my fingers have to be pryed open…..one by one…..until my jewel is exposed.
Tonight, the Lord has been holding me close. There are times, when I can just feel it. Not in the way a person holds another person, but in the way it feels to be emotionally held. Emotionally protected and loved. As I lay here trying to make my mind shut up, He gently whispers “Beloved, I’ve got this. I brought you this far. I’m not just going to drop you now. I love you completely and want the absolute best for you. Let Me take care of you. Let Me hold you and show you just how much I love you and show you My glory”. Then He brought to mind Matthew 6:25-32.
“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.”
I think learning to let go and trust is probably a life-long lesson. George Muller has been a constant inspiration in my life ever since I was young. His consistent example of trust has been so encouraging.
“The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”
This post has ended up being much longer than anticipated! So, I’m going to end it now and try to get some sleep. I’ll leave you with this last quote by George Muller:
“If we desire our faith to be strengthened, we should not shrink from opportunities where our faith may be tried, and therefore, through trial, be strengthened.”