Knerd

knew

I was commenting on a friend’s blog today and the security code was ‘knerd’……k nerd? I feel like the computer is mocking me and like I should be offended! haha ;P But no, I’m comfortable in my own nerdness. When the Zelda theme song is your ringtone, you get excited over anything that has any remote relation to Doctor Who, and you quote Napoleon Dynamite and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World like it’s everyday conversation….well….you kinda have to be haha.

Seeing that on the computer made me laugh, but it also made think about messages we receive and what we do with those messages. A person will receive a bajillion messages about themselves throughout their life. I’m only 21 and I’ve had what seems like a bajillion. Some are good. Some are bad.

I’ve been told I’m fat. I talk too much. I’m rebellious. I’m annoying. Unwanted. Too hyper. Too childish. etc. etc. etc.

But people don’t have to say those things for you to receive those messages about yourself. It can be a look, an action, a tone. Anything. They hit that wall of lies inside you and so you receive them and believe them about yourself.  But in reality, you’re not those things. They are lies. You’re identity in Christ is the truth. Who you are in Him is who you really are.

Grasping that truth has been one of the absolute hardest things for me. I get so stuck on the lies about me. The looks, the tones, the words, all come back. The replay themselves over and over again in my mind. They hammer away at my heart trying to wedge that nail in completely. But His strength keeps that from happening. His love pushes it out. Slowly….but still. It’s getting there.

It reminds me of the book by Max Lucado, You Are Special. The character Punchinello is constantly brought down by others around him. He is told one lie after another about himself. The people around him stick dots on him instead of stars (dots are bad, stars are good). But by the end of the story, he realizes that all the lies that bombard him are just that….lies. That’s all. They’re not who he is. He’s a child of the Most High. Perfect and holy and righteous through Christ. So the dots slide off, because they no longer mean anything to him.

buttons

I love children’s books. They can be so simple, but have such deep meanings.

I’m hoping one day, all the dots (lies) being held within my heart, slide away. I’m hoping that someday they stop sticking. That someday, I’ll truly understand who I am in Christ and accept the truth instead of the lies.

The more He reminds me of who I am in Him, and the more I listen and allow it to sink in, the easier it is. It’s a process. It’s not an overnight change. But He’s constantly embracing me in truth. Sometimes, I push Him away. Funny thing is though, even though I push Him away, He seems to refuse to leave. He’s still holding tight. Those moments I give up on myself, He doesn’t give up on me. Ever.

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