This morning, I just stood for a bit looking at myself in the mirror. Not out of vanity. Out of curiousity. I’ve changed a lot on the inside, and I’m starting to notice on the outside. I’ve changed from even just 6 months ago. It’s amazing how life will do that to a person, ya know? Experiences can mold us and shape us into something totally different.
Some of the changes are good. I’m a more confident, independent person. My musical and artsy side is starting to finally come out more and develop, and I don’t allow people to walk all over me as much as I used to. I’m more blunt and say more of what I’m thinking. I don’t mind saying when something hurts as much and (although still some) saying what I want to do and my preference. I’m becoming more confident in my opinions (thanks to this blog) and saying what I believe without so much fear.
I’m liking this ‘new’ me. But it scares me. As I was standing there, looking back at myself, I was looking at an unfamiliar face. An unfamiliar person. I feel like im a walking stranger, to myself. My eyes have a new gaze. My lips a new smile. My face a new glow. Others have even started noticing.
But not all of it is good. The changes are overall beneficial things, I think, but I’m having to learn how to balance them. When to know when the right timing is. For example, it’s not always good to be blunt and give your opinions. You have to know when those things should be said.
It’s a journey. I’m walking through new territory. A part of me feels like I don’t know myself at all anymore, but another part feels like I’m discovering the person I’ve always wanted to be.
Change can be so intimidating, and so overwhelming. I don’t miss the ‘old’ me, I just miss ‘knowing’ me….if that makes any sense. I’m thankful that the Lord is so loving that He doesn’t leave us where we’re at though. Instead, He molds and changes us into who were are meant to be. I’m far from who I want to be and I’m sure from who the Lord wants me to be. But I’m getting there.
It’s been some of the most encouraging last 6 months of my life to be able to see that change. To stand back and watch as He works in my life. He is truly so faithful and so loving. He’s constantly showing me that as He holds my hand tightly, never letting me slip from His grasp, and walking each step with me. Each step forward. Some are baby steps, some are big steps, but either way, they’re steps. Forward. And those changes are drawing me into a deeper relationship with Him.