Self-Evaluation

little rascals

I analyze pretty much everything. Every word spoken, movement taken, look given, etc. I love to sit in a coffee shop, with my headphones over my ears, and just watch. I just find people so interesting. How they respond to different situations, and how they react to different things.

I was watching myself the other day. Analyzing every movement, look, word, and thought. Sometimes I start wondering, why am I the way I am? Experience forms us into the people we become. I’m only 21. I have so many more experiences to….well….experience. Life, really, is only just starting. Sometimes that thought excites me. All the possibilities ahead, the dreams to achieve, people to meet, etc. But then sometimes, it terrifies me. All the pain to endure and hardship to work through.

Bottom line: Growing up is tough.

When you’re young, you see the world through your naive, innocent eyes. You believe in dragons, fairies, and happily ever after. Then one day, that look starts to fade. Reality starts to hit. The childhood bubble pops and life begins. Sometimes I want to go back.

I’m not saying reality is bad. It isn’t. It’s just hard. There is good and bad. Up and down. But reality is life for what it is. Full of pain, struggles, laughter, fun, sorrow, etc.

My 21st birthday was probably one of my hardest birthdays thus far. I evaluated my life. Where I am vs. where I wanted to be. How I am vs. how I wanted to be. I had certain goals and dreams I wanted accomplished. But, obviously, God’s plan was very different than mine. I touched on this in one of my posts in September.

Instead of feeling like a failure, which was my original emotion, I’ve started seeing that I’m where I’m supposed to be. I may not be where I had hoped, but I’ve learned a lot and I’ve grown a lot, and am continuing to do so. Life is full and life in Him is abundant. Each day, He’s teaching me how to embrace that and trust Him.

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